Connecting Over A Meal Or Cup Of Coffee With Friends Contributes To Mental Health Improvements

“I want a house, with a crowded table, and a place by the fire for everyone…”
The above sentence is a line from one of my favorite songs - Crowded Table by The High Women.

I can’t remember when/where I first heard the song, but it instantly became a part of my fall playlist.

Sure, we can have crowded tables in the spring and summer, but there’s just something about gathering together to sit down with loved ones for a meal in the fall and winter months.

For me, it brings feelings of warmth, memories of those times spent around a table sharing a meal with those I love most in this world, and hopeful anticipation for all future encounters with friends and loved ones - be it at a quiet corner table in a coffee house or a large dining room table that overflows into the kitchen and/or living room - times filled with conversation, love, and laughter.

Which begs the question, what is it about a meal or a hot cup of coffee that sets the stage for, beckons, or welcomes community?

What is it about a crowded table or that quiet corner in a cafe that provides such a powerful setting for connection?

Lunches, dinners, coffee…each of these can be enjoyed in quiet moments alone, bringing peace, nourishment, and calm, but what’s so amazing is the fact that these offer so much more when shared with friends and loved ones!

Actually, this practice brings so many benefits to one’s mental and emotional health that it’s worth exploring this matter a little more in depth…

Fostering Community And Connection With A Meal Or Mug

Before we dive into the health benefits of sharing a meal or a cup of joe with friends and loved ones, let’s consider a few ways we can ensure such gatherings serve their intended purpose.

When we gather with loved ones, the goal isn’t a meal spent in awkward silence.

And, when we meet with friends, we don’t anticipate or desire conflict.

No, that’s not what “a house with a crowded table” is meant for at all.

Instead, when gathering with a large group to share a meal or meeting with a friend, one on one, for a cup of coffee, we hope to communicate, connect, and form or strengthen the bonds of family and friendship.

So, with that in mind, here’s a few thoughts to consider for such gatherings:

1- Prioritize

Raise your hand if you’re incredibly busy.

Raise your hand if your schedule can be hectic or even all-out chaotic at times.

Raise your hand if you find very few moments where you don’t have something planned or scheduled.

Raise your hand if you’ve already run out of hands to raise.

Yep, we’re all incredibly busy in this thing called life.

And, that’s why it’s important to make connection and community a priority.

This is something most of us understand fully around the holidays, right?

From Friendsgivings to family Thanksgiving meals, holiday dinners, New Year’s parties, and simply meeting up with old friends for coffee when they come into town for such occasions, we know how to prioritize connection.

But, I think we forget amidst our busy schedules that we don’t have to wait for the holidays for these types of loving, needed gatherings.

So then, make meeting for coffee with friends a priority.

And, make gathering for family/friend meals a priority.

When we do this, we communicate to our loved ones that they are valuable and loved.

When we do this, we (all parties involved) thoroughly benefit from the opportunity to connect and gain a sense of belonging.

The best part is - the more we do this, the easier it is to continue in this needed practice.

2- Engage

Once you prioritize such gatherings, make sure you provide an environment that welcomes engagement.

When you meet a friend for coffee, you likely chat about what’s going on in one another’s lives, right?

And, these times are sweet, thoughtful, and fulfilling.

Well, the same should be true for family/friend meal gatherings.

Engaging in conversation over a shared meal can not only foster (and further enhance) connection, but it also serves as mental stimulation and a remedy for loneliness.

So, seek to share memories, enjoy engaging conversation between coffee sips, get updates on your nieces’ and nephews’ newest interests, ask grandma how to make the fabulous pie she brought to dinner, find out how your friend or neighbor’s business endeavors are going, etc.

Engagement over a meal should be just that…engaging - not divisive, not complicated, just loving, light-hearted, happy moments shared with your people.

3- Keep It Positive

You’ve now prioritized meals or coffee sips together, and for more than just the holidays.

You’ve even sought to be engaging, fostering and furthering your familial and friendly connections.

So, now for the elephant in the room…

When you gather for a Thanksgiving meal, do you have a rule that goes a little something like this: no politics, no controversy, only life events, love, and laughter.

Those rules, spoken or unspoken, have one desire at their heart - positivity.

It’s true, we’re all unique and that quality means we may not see eye to eye on a number of items and issues, but I firmly believe there’s more common ground between all of us than we realize.

Yes, some beliefs can be polarizing, but connection is built on common ground.

So, when you gather with friends and family, keep it positive, seeking to connect on that ground.

Mental And Emotional Health Benefits Of Community/Connection

Now that we’ve looked at some ways to foster a healthy meal-time meeting or friendly coffee time connection, let’s explore the benefits you stand to gain from such gatherings.

Believe it or not, sitting down to eat a meal together with friends, family, or loved ones, even the practice of meeting a friend for a hot (or iced) cup of coffee, can provide a wealth of benefits to your mental and emotional health.

We’ll detail those benefits for you in a moment, but let’s first consider the flip side of these rewards.

If gathering for meals and meeting for coffee with friends indeed fosters community and connection (and it does), what does the opposite communicate?

In a word: loneliness.

When we cease to gather with loved ones, we isolate ourselves.

When we get too busy to slow down for a cup of joe with a friend, we miss out on strengthening the bond we have with others, or we miss out on creating connections altogether.

And, an absence of community or connection can be highly detrimental to our health and wellbeing.

Loneliness and social isolation increase your risk of many health concerns and diseases, including:

• Heart disease
• Type 2 diabetes
• Stroke
• Dementia
• Depression
• Anxiety
• Difficulty sleeping

Even worse, a lack of connection or sense of community can increase your risk of premature death “to levels comparable with smoking daily.”

This is why it’s incredibly important, as we discussed in the section above, to make time to connect with, or enhance existing connections with, friends and loved ones.

And, being a part of a community, which is what happens amidst connection, can take those woes listed above and turn them into wonderful, happy, health benefits, especially when it comes to your mental and emotional health.

1- Better Sleep

Having a social support system or being a part of a connected community of friends and loved ones can actually improve your quality of sleep.

Of course, the opposite is true as well, where experiencing social stress or strain, or lacking connection with others, can contribute to sleep problems.

Studies have shown that “having meaningful social connections, including friendships and family relationships, correlates with better sleep.”

2- Reduced Depression, Stress, Anxiety

Both family meals and social eating (even simply eating in public) have been studied for their benefits regarding depression, stress, and anxiety.

And, researchers have repeatedly found that gathering to share meals with others can greatly reduce one’s symptoms of each of these.

When we have positive social encounters or interactions, this causes a release of endorphins, hormones which boost happiness and reduce stress, both of which are needed in preventing and combating depression and anxiety.

Gathering for a meal with friends and/or family should be a positive time filled with interaction, conversation, sharing, laughing, and just an all-around happy time.

Most of us are familiar with such gatherings and how they can make us feel happy having simply been around those we love, but these interactions serve as a powerful remedy for and prevention of the symptoms of depression and anxiety.

Meals or coffee dates can help us feel and stay connected, and this connectivity has been proven time and time again to help us gain greater empathy for others, improve our self-esteem, and in turn improve our overall mental and emotional wellbeing.

3- Boosts Mood

Boosting your mood…hmmm, this may sound like a repeat of what we covered above regarding depression, anxiety, and stress, and in some ways it can be, however, there’s more to consider outside of depression and anxiety when it comes to mood.

Perhaps you don’t suffer from anxiety or depression, but have you ever simply felt like you’re in a slump?

Then, have you ever met with friends or loved ones over a nice dinner and found yourself leaving with a little pep in your step?

When we leave time spent with friends and family, we often feel happier, even lighter.

And this effect is actually scientific…

• When you connect with others, this serves to improve your self-worth.

• When you connect with others, this provides validation.

• When you intentionally connect with others, you feel supported, valued, and loved.

All of these and more serve to set off a chain of reactions in your brain that make you feel happy, safe, and improve your overall mood and mental health.

4- Prevents Cognitive Decline

Did you know your brainpower declines when you fail to have regular social interactions?

Also, when you do seek to engage with others, as in connecting over a meal or cup of coffee, you boost normal, healthy brain function.

This type of social interaction and engagement is like exercise for your mind.

When you gather with friends, as you engage with one another in a positive manner, this strengthens the neural pathways in your brain which helps to minimize cognitive decline.

And this is especially important as we age!

So, consider your grandparents, parents, aunts, uncles, and older friends as you gather, making sure you include them in meals and coffee dates for many reasons, most importantly - great company and needed cognitive stimulation.

5- Connection Helps You Make Healthier Choices (Overall)

Sounds odd, right?

You mean connecting with others, even sitting down for a meal together, can help you make healthy choices in other areas of your life?

Yes!

As we interact with others, as we connect with friends and family, our positive influences essentially “rub off” on them, and their positive practices “rub off” on us.

Of course, it goes without saying, as our parents collectively have told us, the company you keep makes all the difference.

But, consider this:

• If you regularly connect with friends who exercise, you’re more likely to pick up this healthy habit.

• If you smoke, regularly gathering with and connecting with friends and loved ones who don’t smoke increases the likelihood that you will quit smoking.

• When you connect with friends who prioritize healthy eating, you are more likely to make improvements in this area as well.

And, as I’m sure you can easily guess, many of these healthy habits also improve mental health. Likewise, quitting unhealthy habits contributes to improvements in your mental and emotional health as well.

6- Connection Helps To Clear Your Mind

I have an unhealthy habit, and I’m sharing this simply because I have a feeling some of you might be able to relate.

You see, when I’m sad, hurt, stressed, upset, burdened…all the things…I tend to bottle those up, well, until I can’t any longer.

This is not a healthy practice.

It negatively affects so many aspects of our lives, including our physical, mental, and emotional health.

The thing is, when I text a friend, when I meet a friend for coffee, when I just go shopping with a friend, that time spent connecting almost always includes a conversation that can unearth some of what I’ve been bottling up.

Can you guess how I feel after such interactions?

I feel happier, lighter, relieved, renewed, and well…healthier.

Connecting with others often allows for this type of interaction, condensed therapy sessions as one of my friends likes to term it. And such conversations have been proven (through science, not just my personal experiences) to help us gain perspective, improve our thought processes, reduce stress, and regain clarity of thought or a clear mind.

Not talking about what is weighing on your heart and mind contributes to a laundry list of mental and emotional (and physical) health concerns.

So, while gathering for a meal or a cup of joe might typically be a laughter-filled, upbeat occasion, it can also provide the type of connection that allows you to open up to your loved ones about things that may be weighing heavy on your heart.

7- Improves Overall Quality Of Life

• boredom decreases
• you gain a sense of belonging
• your mood improves
• your self-esteem improves
• you may be provided with opportunities to talk about difficult issues you’re facing
• your risk of disease is reduced
• you may gain the strength and confidence needed to seek help for other mental health problems

Each of these listed above contribute to a better quality of life.

And, each of these, including the benefits we’ve already discussed, can be gained from intentionally seeking to connect with others, specifically through gathering for meals around “crowded tables” or in quiet cafe corners.

Being a part of a group or community like this gives you a greater sense of purpose while simultaneously providing you with opportunities to create lasting connections and memories.

You know the saying “it’s better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all?”

No matter your feelings regarding this saying, and I know thoughts regarding this statement can vary, it still communicates a powerful message between the lines.

What I see in that statement, in between its blatant message, is opportunity.

When we close ourselves off to the world, intentionally or unintentionally, we can miss out on opportunities for powerful, wonderful, health-enhancing connection.

And, why would we want to do that when there are so many benefits that await us and our loved ones when we take the time to sit down with friends and family to share a meal, some laughs, a cup of coffee, conversations, and life!

Check out Lifeboost Coffee Optimist Light Roast.

Medical Disclaimer
This content is for informational and educational purposes only. It is not intended to provide medical advice or to take the place of such advice or treatment from a personal physician. All readers/viewers of this content are advised to consult their doctors or qualified health professionals regarding specific health questions. Neither Dr. Charles Livingston nor the publisher of this content takes responsibility for possible health consequences of any person or persons reading or following the information in this educational content. All viewers of this content, especially those taking prescription or over-the-counter medications, should consult their physicians before beginning any nutrition, supplement or lifestyle program.

References:

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https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4636437

https://www.uclahealth.org/news/article/social-engagement-can-help-with-sleep#

https://www.news-medical.net/news/20230503/Sharing-meals-with-friends-may-lower-depression-anxiety-and-stress-in-teens.aspx#

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